i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
