Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
