bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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