Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
