Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I just want nice things and good sex
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
