You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
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