Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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