ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
