I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
