how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
