I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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