Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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