clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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