Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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