Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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