I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
