Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
