I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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