he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
