Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
