he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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