I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
