I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Randomize
