we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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