Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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