My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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