I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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