I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I just found puke in my bra..
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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