if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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