Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
