I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
