too bad you live with your parents still
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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