you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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