ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
