I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
