She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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