If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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