I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
