But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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