yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
