Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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