She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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