guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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