you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
