Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
