2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
