I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
