$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
