If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
