Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
