I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize