how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
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