you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
