You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
