So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
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