My cat gives me a boner
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
