No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
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