fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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