i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I intend to get homeless drunk
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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