margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
