i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
