dude i'm inner monologue high
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
