Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
