so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
