lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
