he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
