Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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