chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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