awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
