Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
